


Stargazing

by InsomniaMagic



Series: BokuAka Week 2018 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi pov, BokuAka Week, Day 5, First Person, LOVE LETTER TO BOKUTO, M/M, Proposals, Stars, Water Park, but its not so explicit, day 6 will be surely happier :), i am simply careful, i tagged the story the way i did, konoha akinori - Freeform, mention hinata, mention kenma, mention kuroo, there is a point where you may stop reading and youll get the whole story, volleyball career
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 09:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14871456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniaMagic/pseuds/InsomniaMagic
Summary: BokuAka Week 2018Day 5: Water Park´Love letter to Bokuto´In the end, I was the one who reached out and made you exhale the uneasiness out of your lungs. I took your hand and held you tight so you wouldn´t run away from me.“Let´s wait for the stars, together.” When you said those words, something in me shifted.“I want to wait for everything with you.” I didn´t say it out loud, but I know my eyes and kisses were enough for you to understand.





	Stargazing

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, next two days are on a happier note (well... I might not be the best judge). 
> 
> If you wish, stop reading before you move onto the number 3 (I recommend it, if you cant stand sad endings). It´s from Akaashi POV, love letter to Bokuto.

 

1

It´s so quiet in here. Empty pools, slides with faded paint, shops with torn up posters and dried out holes meant for games of water and laughter, of challenges and enjoyment.

I remember the first time we went to this water park. It was one hour after your graduation. You wished to go here, although this place has been closed for many years.

We strolled down here anyway. We didn´t speak, it was almost as quiet as it is now, under the crescent moon and shy stars.

That day, the birds were singing while you contemplated if you should take my hand or not. Our relationship was official and it wasn´t. None of us ever said it out loud, but we felt it.

In the end, I was the one who reached out and made you exhale the uneasiness out of your lungs. I took your hand and held you tight so you wouldn´t run away from me.

“Let´s wait for the stars, together.” When you said those words, something in me shifted.

“I want to wait for everything with you.” I didn´t say it out loud, but I know my eyes and kisses were enough for you to understand.

We sat on the grass covered in cherry blossom petals, curled into each other. You, Bokuto, me, Akaashi and your heart beat, your heavy breathing and excitement pouring out of you along in silence.

To this day I didn´t inquire why you were so hushed. Was it the overwhelming emotion of your graduation? Of your upcoming tournaments with a new volleyball team? Of you leaving?

I think I was afraid of the answer, so I followed your lead and kept soundless. Our breathing got into one rhythm, our heartbeats mirrored each other as the sun set and the moon began to edge in.

You inclined into the fence of the water park, my head falling into your lap. We stargazed together for the whole night, until you said: “I have a question to ask you.”

“Yes?”

Your eyes were shining, like I was giving you a gift you couldn´t wait to open. I love this face, I always did. “Will you marry me?”

My throat got stuck. There was a lump of happiness and fear waiting to choke me. “I want to.”

“Aka-“

I put one finger on your lips. “I want to, but not now. You know I want to.” I gave you time to make sense of my words.

“Okay,” you exhaled slowly without exaggeration.   

“You are leaving to be a professional volleyball player. I got offers too and you know I want to follow the same dream as you do. I want to, but not now. Let´s give it a couple of years and if we are still able to manage our relationship, let´s do this.”

You nodded while you let the tears slip down your face. I touched them, one by one, drying them until you caught my wrists. “Please, let me. I also sometimes need to be sad.”

“I didn´t mean to make you sad.” I inhaled sharply.

“I am not sure I am sad, I simply- I am stunned, I think?” You stared back at the skies. The night went back to sleep and the day arrived with sunrays peering between the dark clouds alarming people about the upcoming storm.

Your gaze turned to the water park. “This is the place where I first saw you. When we were starting high school. Well, when I was starting. You walked by this place and I think I fell in love right there and then. After a year, you came into our volleyball club with the same stride and the same expression. I remembered you.” Finally, you smiled.

“I never told you this, but the moment you ran to me and shook my hand before introducing yourself? I was so smitten.”

“Good,” you said almost smugly. “May I propose to you in three years?”

“Yes. You can certainly try.”

We left and I hope you didn´t cry some more.

Because I did. I should have said yes.

 

 

2

From the moment on, everything changed. We never spoke about it, in our hearts, we were always together. In our minds, it might not have been this way.

Both of us went our separate ways, but together, never saying those words, never admitting we might have broken up without us realizing it.

I never started another relationship and neither did you. So were we together? I choose to believe we were, it doesn´t matter how little we met or how little we spoke to each other.

We hoped for a meeting on the court, as rivals and as partners.

Three years have passed and it lastly happened. We fought one another with a volleyball and net between us. I set up for my new spiker, you spiked for your new setter. It was weird and fulfilling all at once.

You were able to overcome your struggles with other people, I learned to rely on and trust others not only in sport, but in real life too.

It wasn´t just the two of us and in a way – it always has been the two of us.  

When my team won, you crouched under the net and walked straight to me, taking me up into your arms, celebrating me, celebrating us, kissing me.

The kiss was everything, the kiss sealed my soul inside the envelope shipped right to your heart.

When it all ended, we took a train to your beloved place – to the old water park being rebuilt for a new opening.

I took you by your collar and leaned into your lips.

I tasted your salty tears and your sweet tongue – you had your favourite lollipop, didn´t you? The applause from both teams was deafening, but I heard only you and your cries and the question rising in your eyes.

You were fast, but I was faster. “Will you marry me?”

I smiled, but you smiled wider. “Akaashi. That´s not a question! Of course, I will marry you!”

 

 

3

In front of the once ancient, nowadays modern water park, we exchanged the proposal and the promise for our future. If I knew it a month later I´d have to identify your crushed body, I would never let you visit the official opening of this godforsaken place.

I walked in your shadow, in your footsteps of joy and doom. I got the phone call when I was all alone, readying for a wedding cake tasting later that day.

They said there was the collapse of a building. They said at least a hundred people have died and another hundred got hurt. They said you weren´t among those who survived or among those who were fighting for their lives.

They said many things I didn´t hear.

I remember someone taking me into their arms before pushing me into a car. We drove, I guess. We stopped at the water park, I guess.

I couldn´t look. I was slapped across my back, Konoha screamed for me to breathe. Why should I? Without you I had no reason to live.

This wasn´t real. I was sure it had to be a nightmare.

Your parents came to me, begged me to do it. “We can´t. Sorry, we can´t.”

“I can-“ Konoha offered, I didn´t take it.

“It has to be me.” And so I walked inside the building full of bodies covered under the white sheets.

“Here,” the distant voice informed me, leading me to the other side. “Ready?”

“Never.”

He uncovered the board with many pictures. Your face was one of them. I made a positive identification and then I fell to the floor.

 

 

There was no sunshine. There was no darkness. I wasn´t allowed to wallow in emptiness. There was too much and too little.

Bokuto, I miss you.

My sunshine has died. I was so hollow, darkness itself wasn´t interested in me. You were present, but you weren´t.

You ceased to exist and I ceased to breathe.

They say time can heal everything. Remember, they lied. Time didn´t help, I choke every day and every hour. Yes, I learned to go on, I had others to lean on.

Hinata tried to be the sun I couldn´t see, Kuroo was there to be the fun I couldn´t feel, Kenma tried to be the heart I couldn´t heal, Konoha was the positive mind-set I couldn´t reach.

I wish I said yes the first time you proposed.

I wish I could have called you my husband in life and after you´ve gone.

My sunshine has left me, I live on for you too. Wait for me, please, one distant day I´ll follow you.

“I love you, Bokuto-san,” I say to your gravestone as I clutch my shirt with number four on it. “I will always love you, if I move on, my heart will be howling for you still,” I whisper to the flowers of peonies as I lay on the gravel, listening to nothing at all.

 

 

Dead are whispering around me every time I walk in to see you at the cemetery,

Are you among them? My eyes search for you knowing, in this world we were meant to be,

Knowing we missed the chance, my mind trying not to think what could have been.

Then I smile, hearing low chuckle of yours. “You think and feel too much, Akaashi. Please, enjoy what is left for you, enjoy life, for me.”

“I love you, Bokuto-san,” I say to your gravestone as I clutch my shirt with number four on it. “I will always love you if I move on, my heart will be howling for you still” I whisper to the flowers of peonies as I lay on the gravel stargazing, listening to nothing at all.

In the world where we were meant to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> On the note of sadness, don´t be afraid of tears. If you need to cry for whatever reason, do it. Your mind and soul will thank you, as I do, for your time :*


End file.
